This post stands alone in its content. However, last week I focused on the importance of a hook at the beginning of your stories. If you missed that, I suggest you read it before you read this post.
Also, last week, I posted one of my starts to a story using the boldfaced version of this opening line.
Visible to all characters
The front door wasn’t latched.
The front door was open.
The front door wasn’t closed tight.
The front door was ajar.
Thoughts of one character
“The front door’s open.”
I invite you to read it before continuing this post. It will enhance your experience.
Part 2
Background
Writers can open their story with:
- startling, dramatic action
- a powerful or moving description
- an intriguing opening sentence or paragraph
- a short, surprising passage discussing an important event in the life of a character
- an opening scene that drops readers into an emotionally riveting moment
- a shocking piece of information (works for fiction and nonfiction)
- exquisite, mesmerizing word craft
For this week's book bubble prompt, I encourage you to use your author insight to write about your narrative hook. How do you "hook" readers? What techniques do you use to draw in readers? Does writing a hook come naturally to you or is it a struggle? Which is your favorite type of hook? Alternatively, you could write about the best hook you've read in someone else's book.
The above list and commentary are from a subscription email from
The bold text in the paragraph at the end of the bullet points inspired the idea for this 2-post series.
Example
I work with Sherry Frazier of Frazier Public Relations https://www.frazierpublicrelations.com/ the launch of a detective/mystery novel now titled Betrayal in Blue. We’ve been working on this project for what is approaching two years. Most of the extended timeline is because of my reluctance to accept some of her advice in a timely matter.
The short version is
- I wrote the base story nearly thirty years ago.
- I edited/revised it based on comments by Jeanne Stein, New York Times Best Selling offer, again after dragging my feet at some of her suggestions.
- I sent what I thought was a completed story to Sherry.
- Since then, I’ve learned a lot about why it wasn’t complete. I’ve blogged about parts of that pathway before.
This post is not about writing the bulk of your story. The focus here is the opening to your story.
Use the list above to categorize each of the following openings to Betrayal in Blue. Each sample contains about 250 words—one page in most books.
#1. Original Opening from the 1980s
“Itell you, these are good—real good."
"They better be, Anthony," Gene Marcotti growled. "Considerin' the price we paid for 'em."
"Take a look for yourself," Anthony Garmel retorted. He thrust several official-looking pages toward his associate. "Same paper. Same typewriter element style. Even the edges of them are beat-up a little so they look like they're the same age as the rest of the file."
"Hmmph," Marcotti growled again as his huge hands mauled the pages.
Growling was a habitual form of speech for Gene Marcotti. He was a large, hairy man, with broad shoulders and a shock of black hair on his head. Even though he saw a stylist weekly and wore only custom-tailored suits, he always looked unkempt. His physical demeanor added to the image of a beastly man that his voice projected.
"Yeah, these oughta fool just about anybody," he grudgingly conceded after several minutes of scrutinizing the papers.
"They'll fool any jerkwater cop who checks them out," Anthony declared with confidence. He took the papers back and, as he turned to put them down on the large oak desk behind him, added, "I'll stake my life on that."
"We may be doin' just that," Marcotti muttered.
"What?"
"Nuthin'. Say what about the courier? These perfect forgeriesof yours ain't no good without the courier bein' in our pocket."
"There's no problem there," Anthony assured him. "His son has leukemia. He needs money for medical bills."
End of Sample
Look at the list from Bublish.
Where does this opening fall in their hierarchy?
“Why Editors Focus on Page One” (https://www.janefriedman.com/why-editors-focus-on-page-one/) is a blog post dealing with book openings. Darcy Pattison posted the following on June 10, 2013.
The list of things to look for is from that post. I used it three times in last week’s post. It’s used only once in this one.
Fill in the information for Opening #1.
What do you know about the story from just this much text?
Place:
Time:
Tone/Mood:
POV:
Content of text:
Genre:
Audience:
Is there any place where the reader is confused?
Is there an information dump?
#2. Opening after the first major revision (2009)
In spite of his bubble of euphoria, Garmel merely nodded to his driver as he stepped out the back door of his limo into the already warm St. Louis morning. The sun played hide and seek behind the cumulus clouds—all that remained of the fast-moving low-pressure system that was on its way out of town, leaving behind a hangover of humidity that brought beads of sweat to his upper lip.
As he walked up the sidewalk towards the door to the remodeled industrial suite the local branch of the drug syndicate he oversaw called home, Garmel was glad he’d had the foresight of bringing a second shirt with him. He could already feel the trailblazing drops of sweat traveling down the sides of his trim body.
As he reached the suite, before he could knock, the door swung open. A bear of a man stepped aside, allowing the boss full access to the doorway.
“Gene, right?” Garmel asked as he passed the man-mountain.
“Yes, Sir, Mr. Garmel,” rumbled from the depths of the greeter’s chest.
Copper! This whole room smells like copper. There has to be blood somewhere, shot through the boss’s mind. A cursory glance around the room explained the odor.
Ten pairs of handcuffs were secured to rods in one wall. Each hung with one cuff open.
At least they wiped up enough blood so there are no puddles left below the cuffs, flashed through Garmel’s mind before he asked, “What do you call this place?”
“The Confessional, Mr. Garmel.”
“What happens if someone’s reluctant to confess?”
End of Sample
Look at the list from Bublish that opened this post.
Where does this opening fall in their hierarchy?
Fill in the information for Opening #2.
What changed about what you think about the story and/or storyline?
Why?
#3. Opening of the current iteration
I hate airplanes. Even these first-class seats are too small and too close together. I should take the train for trips to cities this close to Chicago. At least then I could get up and walk to a real chair at a real table and eat real food.
“How much longer?” Anthony Garmel asked the stewardess in a tone of voice that reflected only a small part of his negative feelings for his mode of transport.
“Not long, Sir. We should be beginning out descent momentarily.”
Garmel sighed as the shapely female entered the galley. Not long. That could be another half an hour. I’m glad the taxiing time from the runway to the gate at Lambert isn’t nearly as long as O’Hare.
He looked at the Estate Rolex Daytona Cosmograph that adorned his left wrist. With three dials and two push buttons, the bulky timepiece was more show than go for the drug lord. He hadn’t pushed either of the buttons since the day he’d picked up the watch at the high-end jewelry store in Downtown Chicago. As he rotated his wrist and admired the reflected light coming off the synthetic sapphire crystal, he knew those around him were covetous of his $25,000 adornment.
Once on the ground, Garmel gave a cursory wave to the man he knew was his driver. He didn’t know the man’s name—and didn’t care. Minutes later, he slid across the back seat in the Lincoln limousine. Instinct took over. He reached for a glass and a bottle of wine.
“I have the address of one of our properties in the industrial district as your drop point, Mr. Garmel. Is that correct?” the driver asked.
“Sounds like what I remember. Let’s just get there… Quickly.”
End of Sample
Look at the list from Bublish that opened this post.
Where does this opening fall in their hierarchy?
.
Fill in the information for Opening #3.
What changed about what you think about the story and/or storyline?
Why?
Which of the three samples, did the best job of piquing your interest (drawing you into the story)?
Why?
How?
This is a real-life example of how parts of stories can (should?) change over the course of editing. I hope you feel better about your current project and will consider the importance of a strong opening if you haven’t already!
In this post you evaluated three openings to the same story. It’s your turn to write your own opening.
Select any of the following versions of the prompt below. All versions have the same focus. There is a difference in degree.
Write the rest of the opening to a story.
Any genre.
Write 150-750 words.
Visible to all characters
The front door wasn’t latched.
The front door was open.
The front door wasn’t closed tight.
The front door was ajar.
Thoughts of one character
“The front door’s open.”
I wrote an opening to the italicized prompt. I’ll post it in a blog post on Saturday, April 13.
First line: “The front door’s open.”
What’s next?
You write the action. My opening is 354 words. I use italicized text to define verbiage as a THOUGHT by a character.
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